Wednesday, April 25, 2012
soo i have this issue. Everything is perfect. i don't wanna eff up anything. so what does my mom do? brings in braces. i am soo scared he won't like me anymore. the thought kills me. i don't even know what to do. i mean it is an option, but i want pretty teeth. One thing i must mention is that my teeth aren't that bad as of right now, they just could be better. its really irritating that NOW, almost sophmore in high school, i get the option to get them. i know i am going to look soo bad with them and its really upsetting to think about. Something else i must mention is i just made Varsity cheer. soo i will have to be smiling all the time! And if i really do look awful, then no one will like me. And going a whole year and a half with someone not liking me sounds crazy, i feel like a loser. i soo don't want them. i tried talking my mom into invisalign but its a 1,000 more. yikes right? i am having a break down. i know i sound like a spoiled brat right now, but it really is hard. i know there are harder things in life but i don't wanna look in the mirror for a year and a half feeling ugly. or not wanting to take pictures because i feel soo ugly. i guess it will teach me a lesson on beauty isn't everything, right? ha wish i could learn some other way. in fact i do understand its just my insecurities get in the way. Its getting to the point where i am afraid i will lose friends. i know i won't, because i have awesome friends, but that thought hurts soo bad, STILL! I feel awful saying all of this. its annoying and i get that. But it stresses me out soo much i have cried the past two nights. and i know the day i get them on i will cry for two days straight. its gonna be a tough one, so i will let you know how it turns out. The toughest part is wondering if he will stay with me.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Its just one of those things where you have been in love with him forever. he is your dream guy.i mean the one that you KNOW you don't have a chance with.you fantasy every once in awhile about. you have got close a couple times but you feel like you've never cut it. So the couple times it gets closer and closer. this time is the closest. it almost scares me how much it means to me. For ME to have this guy "fall" for me would literally mean the world to me.It puts me in shock how close i really am. Ohh but wait then it kicks in. "i'm not good enough" "what if i am awkward" "this is a joke to him" "i'm just gonna get hurt.." ya know the famous talk you give yourself to talk you out of every relationship. IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO HIM TOO? i didn't have any complaints with him until now. Its ridiculous. i know i am just nervous though, because its still every hug i cherish and every text i smile. ohh and his smile gives me butterflies. soo why am i doing this to myself. am i insane? I sure am acting like it. i'm in love with him and everything about him. he makes me soo unbelievably happy. its just not fair that i have to have second thoughts. I know i shouldn't be complaining but why are these thoughts even there? he is perfect. and i should be soo happy that he even is thinkin about giving me a chance.