Friday, February 15, 2013
well here i go again. Making dumb little mistakes. i really think i effed up this time though. she is going to be so pissed. i realize that it wasn't the smartest idea to do but i can't deny i didn't enjoy it. he is such a caring cute kid. to be honest in my opinion he really is perfect. He plays EVERY sport, soo smart, caring, and must i say quite handsome. hah. i really wish it could go somewhere.. but i know it didn't mean anything to him. So i tell myself it didn't mean anything to me either. What can i do. Plus he is HER ex. yikes its a sticky situation. Whats funny is he has been my dream boy since i met him.. Never thought this would happen. The most important thing is that things don't get awkward because if i can't have him as my boy i at least want him as my friend. He is such a good guy. probably one of the best i have ever talked about on here. Its sad that i'm not even that hurt about this. Last year i would have flipped out and assumed crazy things.. over exaggerated. But now here i am not even really stressin it. i hope things get better from here. i just want a boyfriend. someone who is committed, wants the same things i want and will treat me right. Is that to hard to ask for? hah i guess...
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Why is it that every time i see you i fall in love with you all over again. I don't understand why HE has to be the ONE guy i can't get over. he isn't perfect, but then again who is. He is the worst guy to like for forever. Unfortunately i feel like i won't stop comparing other guys and get over him until i get the chance with him. And i'm not talking like i have in the past. Because those just leave me wondering even more. i want a for sure back from him. a " i like you a lot Morgan" or " you mean a lot to me" how about " will you be my girlfriend" god i am so pathetic. this will never happen. i know it won't so maybe time will help..? nope i have said that way to many times.Maybe going into high school with so many hot guys around will help me. i am sure counting on it because if that doesn't i don't know what will. its crazy how happy he makes me. i look so foolish just when i open a text from him. Last night he put his arm around me. we sorta held hands. I had an amazing time. I was in paradise. He text me this morning. it made me feel like he really had a good time too. that he thought of me. Also last night he changed his contact in my phone. BUT then i think about things, maybe even a little too much. And i know he probably does this with tons of girls. and he probably texts a whole bunch of chicks. He is super attractive. it wouldn't be hard for him to get a girl. so why would he choose me. WELL he wouldn't i know if it came down to it and there was another prettier girl he would ditch me in a heartbeat. and there i go again. i get that feeling in my stomach that you could compare to the flu or food poisoning. Anyways its an awful feeling. I have wrote this whole thing and thought about it so much and i bet you all i have that he hasn't thought about me at all. Which is fine. it just hurts.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
soo i have this issue. Everything is perfect. i don't wanna eff up anything. so what does my mom do? brings in braces. i am soo scared he won't like me anymore. the thought kills me. i don't even know what to do. i mean it is an option, but i want pretty teeth. One thing i must mention is that my teeth aren't that bad as of right now, they just could be better. its really irritating that NOW, almost sophmore in high school, i get the option to get them. i know i am going to look soo bad with them and its really upsetting to think about. Something else i must mention is i just made Varsity cheer. soo i will have to be smiling all the time! And if i really do look awful, then no one will like me. And going a whole year and a half with someone not liking me sounds crazy, i feel like a loser. i soo don't want them. i tried talking my mom into invisalign but its a 1,000 more. yikes right? i am having a break down. i know i sound like a spoiled brat right now, but it really is hard. i know there are harder things in life but i don't wanna look in the mirror for a year and a half feeling ugly. or not wanting to take pictures because i feel soo ugly. i guess it will teach me a lesson on beauty isn't everything, right? ha wish i could learn some other way. in fact i do understand its just my insecurities get in the way. Its getting to the point where i am afraid i will lose friends. i know i won't, because i have awesome friends, but that thought hurts soo bad, STILL! I feel awful saying all of this. its annoying and i get that. But it stresses me out soo much i have cried the past two nights. and i know the day i get them on i will cry for two days straight. its gonna be a tough one, so i will let you know how it turns out. The toughest part is wondering if he will stay with me.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Its just one of those things where you have been in love with him forever. he is your dream guy.i mean the one that you KNOW you don't have a chance with.you fantasy every once in awhile about. you have got close a couple times but you feel like you've never cut it. So the couple times it gets closer and closer. this time is the closest. it almost scares me how much it means to me. For ME to have this guy "fall" for me would literally mean the world to me.It puts me in shock how close i really am. Ohh but wait then it kicks in. "i'm not good enough" "what if i am awkward" "this is a joke to him" "i'm just gonna get hurt.." ya know the famous talk you give yourself to talk you out of every relationship. IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO HIM TOO? i didn't have any complaints with him until now. Its ridiculous. i know i am just nervous though, because its still every hug i cherish and every text i smile. ohh and his smile gives me butterflies. soo why am i doing this to myself. am i insane? I sure am acting like it. i'm in love with him and everything about him. he makes me soo unbelievably happy. its just not fair that i have to have second thoughts. I know i shouldn't be complaining but why are these thoughts even there? he is perfect. and i should be soo happy that he even is thinkin about giving me a chance.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The more i think about it the better i feel, well most of the time. there are still times i miss you.. like when i see you. But i will have to get used to that. By the time i am over you it will be a normal feeling. you have taught me a lot. In a way you are a blessing. i have learned several lessons from the experience you have put me through for 3 months now. its kind of ridiculous to see that i am still not fully over you. You think a girl as tought as i may appear inside is a real softy. So if you didn't know, i have feelings and really is tough. When your friends call me a slut, well hey thats hard to hear but its whatever. i gotta get over it... Doin better so thank you.